Oh, help me, dear doctor, I'm damaged, there's a pain where there
once was a heart. It's sleeping, it's beating, can't you please take it out
and preserve it right there in that jar.
Oh, help me, please, Mama, I'm sickening, it's today that's the day
of my plunge. Oh, the gal, I'm to marry, is a bow-legged sow,
I've been soaking up drink like a sponge.
"Don't worry, get dressed!" cried my mother, as she plied me with
bourbon so sour. "Pull your socks on, put your suit on,
comb your long hair down, for you will be wed in the hour."
Oh, help me, dear doctor, I'm damaged, there's a pain where there
once was a heart. It's sleeping, it's beating, can't you please take it out
and preserve it right there in that jar.
I was trembling as I put on my jacket, it had creases as
sharp as a knife. I put the ring in my pocket, but there was a note,
and my heart it jumped into my mouth.
It read, "Darling, I'm sorry to hurt you, but I've no courage to speak
in your face. But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou,
and there'll be no wedding today."
Oh, help me, dear doctor, I'm damaged, you can put back my heart
in its hole. Oh, Mama, I'm crying tears of relief,
and my pulse is now under control