Well, I was feelin' sad and kind'a blue,
I didn't know what I was a-gonna do,
Them Communists wus a-comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wus all over.
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined the John Birch Society,
got me a secret membership card
And went back home to the yard,
Started lookin' on the sidewalk,
under the hedges.
Well, I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
I wus lookin' every place for them gol-darned Reds.
Looked behind the sink, and under the floor,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find any . . .
Looked behind the clothes, behind my chair
lookin' for them reds everywhere
looked up my chimney hole,
even deep down inside my toilet bowl,
They got away . . .
I heard some foot-steps by the front porch door,
so I grabbed my shot-gun from the floor.
Snuck around the house with a huff and a hiss,
saying "Hands up, you communist!"
It was the mailman.
He punched me out.
Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my T.V. set.
I peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet that hit my brain.
Them Reds did it!
Hootenanny Television . . .
Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
got a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered: red stripes on the American flag!
Betsy Ross . . .
Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy,
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge there's just one man
That's really a true American:
That's George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.
Well, I fin'ly started thinkin' straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldn't imagine nothing else,
So now I'm home investigatin' myself!
Hope I don't find out too much . . . Good God!